WTF was I thinking?

Ever have one of those massive "WTF was I thinking" moments? You read
the URL for this blog and see "vegan." I was for a while. It didn't
work. It was just a bad choice all around. I spent too much time
thinking "oh no! that has milk fat in it!" or "what if this contains
animal product!?" Instant poor health!

I was soooo sooo wrong, dear readers. I seriously apologize here and
now if anyone read those posts and scratched their heads thinking "WTF
is this bitch rambling about?" Another preachy PETA goon? Ughhhhhh.

So I dropped the vegan thing. I resumed the eating of meat in summer
2008. Up until recently I've still been a bit of a whackjob regarding
calorie counting and low fat hooplah and all that bullshit. I had
read into a lot of science behind the eating of a higher, natural fat
diet (i.e. eat ALL real foods, no processed Franken-foods…btw…0%
dairy? Yeah, not real) and dismissed it as silly. Obviously
conventional wisdom and big gub'ment suggests we eat 6-11 servings of
grain each day, right? And..and processed foods with hidden sugars,
right?

I thought this was serious crazy talk when I first read it. Didn't
care. But in thinking logically, I've come back to it. Fatigue,
headaches, insatiable hunger, working out more and more each day…it's
not good. Diet certainly has to play a role in it. What if the
problem was closer linked to foods with crazy preservatives, unnatural
processing, or sugar? Makes some sense. What if a diet relying
heavily on carbs and very little on healthy fats and protein is NOT
good wisdom despite everything we hear about it today? I'm sick of
counting my calories and obsessing over a macronutrient ratio. I'm
sick of feeling tired. I'm sick of constantly sneezing and suffering
allergy problems. I used to think milk and meat were ALL my problem.
I was wrong. Way wrong. I started to research wheat intolerance. I
gave it up for one week. I felt much better, still not 100% though.
I put it back in my diet as a control the next week. Boom. Problems
return. I never tagged my digestive issues on wheat in the past as I
assumed it to be healthy and took the "well, what else am I going to
eat?" approach. I decided to take it even further and adopt a primal
diet for 30 days. High fat, reasonable protein, very low carb. Carb
intake comes from vegetables, nuts, seeds, and berries. Nuts and
seeds also contain fiber and healthy fat. No grains, no sugars
(outside of natural fructose in fruit or honey), no legumes, and no
crazy processed stuff. Processed as in, altered from its original
state in an unacceptable manner. Read the back of a typical bottle of
"healthy" Fat free salad dressing and you'll know to what I speak.

Thing is…it's not just a diet. It's a very logical lifestyle shift.
Fitness is to be made fun. Keep workouts short (under 45 mins) and
intense, Crossfit-style or using functional/natural weightlifting
and/or interval training. Lift heavy stuff. Go outside and play.
Don't stress if you don't workout. Just move around! Get some
sunlight. Try to stay away from endurance sports like long distance
running. Keep running short in sprinting or tabata interval style.
Try to reduce stress in your life and spend quality time with your
loved ones. Get off the internet and go outside or do some functional
work around your house! (uh yeah, I need to work on this). Think a
little more like a caveman instead of an executive.

Maybe I'm a little crazy for this. That's fine. I'm a little OFF to
begin with anyway. I've got some work to do here, though. I need to
throw the internet monkey off my back. It's time I could better be
spending with my boyfriend doing something fun. I've been going
outside to enjoy the weather much more. I have been doing shorter
workouts and loving it. I have been stressing less about what to eat.
It's more intuitive. And meat is really tasty (again WTF was I
thinking as a vegan?) I'm thinking more about the things that tether
us down and just add complication. A big one now for me are forums
and social networking like facebook and such. I need to get away from
this stuff as it's just addictive. I have an iPhone now and would
prefer just updating on the go. I don't want to be tied to 20
different forums and read a zillion emails. TV is the same. It's
funny how you realize how tied you are to the TV when it's "new show"
season. Now in the off-season I could really give a rat's behind
about watching the majority of what's on. I really like having the
Netflix service – when you want some R&R sit down and watch a good
movie or series. Pick a couple favorite shows and just stick with
them. It's nice.

It's funny how we just come to realize we're stressed out and not
making life enjoyable. I've been stressed out about losing weight and
showing progress and blah blah blah who cares. It's a good goal, but
it's one of those "me" goals that I shouldn't blather on about. I
need to focus on feeling good, healthy, and full of energy. I need to
be fun to be around, not some preachy bore. This struck me as I was
struggling in a firefighting drill last week. I just… I couldn't do
something and gave up. I got flustered and just walked away. It
seemed dramatic but it was really a battle of ego occurring in my
brain. I want to succeed, but I'm not sure I have the experience or
ability to do a task (that's probably seemingly simple to a seasoned
firefighter). I don't need to be embarrassed. I just need to can the
ego and ask for help. It got me so flustered I considered quitting.
Considering the time I've vested in learning all of this, that was a
STUPID idea and proof I shouldn't make decisions when completely
flustered. Firefighting is a FUN activity that gets me up off my bum
and active in the community. How cool is that? I'm not going to let
my own ignorance of some piece of equipment persuade me to quit! The
same as several months ago when I had put on weight and was
embarrassed that I could not lift some things. Know what? I busted
my ass the past couple months to get into shape and I can lift things
now! Fucking hooray! Life is good! I did something for me that
turned out well…but I don't want to live my life around workouts and
calorie counting. I just want to be active, have fun, and eat
wholesome foods.

So maybe I'm not crazy after all.